When I posted on Facebook that I finally decided to create this website my long time friend (who also happens to be the web designer of Ax Wound and banner creator you see above this) responded with: “I think this is great Hannah. People are as interested in you as they are in your projects…maybe because they are you. Anyway, it’s about time.”
It is about time. But not just about time I created a hub for my various projects but rather about time I started taking care of myself & believing people might actually give a shit about what I do and who I am. Or wait, maybe it’s time I START caring about myself and finding self worth from the things I have accomplished and/or strive to do. Creating this website is about showing myself the things I have done and building self-esteem. For those who don’t know me well I have severe anxiety disorder, ADD, and major depression. Growing up teachers called me stupid and would humiliate me in front of other students. I would go so far as to say I was verbally abused many times by teachers growing up who didn’t understand or care to understand the immense self esteem drop of a chubby girl with learning disabilities among the other things I just mentioned. I no longer have any shame in those labels but that wasn’t always the case. I wanted so much to be normal. Now I want nothing more then to be an indivdual. To be true to who I am. I may not be able to add numbers or arrange puzzle pieces (like in those stupid IQ tests they used to give me) but I am one creative mother fucker and I am thankful that where I lack certain brain function I excel in many other more important ways.
This site is very much a work in progress but I hope to write a journal entry a few times a week as well as continue that boring part of uploading content on the various pages. I still may change some of the pages around- I’m not sure what this bitch will become. All I know is that my goal is to showcase the projects I create and celebrate that even amongst my struggles and being told I was stupid by the new york city public school system for the first 18 years of my life, I am in fact a cunt who has a lot to offer. An idea machine. Do you think it bad to talk positive of yourself? Do I sound cocky!? Well, then that is your problem loves. We spend so much time talking about the things we suck at and putting our self down. This is where I will share my struggles but also revel in my accomplishments and the accomplishments of my creative and wonderful friends. I don’t mean to come across like a mean spirited person- just blunt and to the point. Let’s end this stupid idea that to celebrate who we are is “Self centered.” We all deserve to feel good about what we do. It’s all just in the approach and intetion behind it. Ya know?
So, yeah, this is sorta a intro post. What other type of posts can you expect? Well, the obvious above pages will have what they describe but these journal/blog entries will be a free for all. I will write about my thoughts on any given subject. It might be how i’m feeling, it might be a sample of my new work, it might be a review of a great zine or film or art piece. It might be pornographic. Who knows. All I know is this is not a place of censorship or catoring to any “political correct” bullshit.
With that said: THANK YOU for supporting Ax Wound and ZINECORE and all my other shit. Speaking of which I will also do pre and post zinecore and ax wound radio blog posts so you can see the level of anxiety I experience before I go on air and the euphoria that comes after. My hope is by showing the fear you will be inspired to do something you really enjoy but are afraid of. Courage is not doing something and being unafraid. Being courageous is doing something DESPITE your fear. A Rabbi in Isreal told me that when I said I wasn’t brave enough to crawl in a cave underground. Who knew I would end up having a blast. (Of course it wasn’t till I got to the other end of the cave that he told me about all the scorpions 
In case you didn’t know I’m currently being hospitalized for anxiety and depression. Will that stop me? FUCK NO. And guess what? Some might think it weird that I post in such a public place that i’m getting psych treatment but why should I feel shame about who I am? Mental Illness is a disease just like cancer. You need treatment and it’s not just all in your head. It takes its toll in a physical and debilitating way. So, nothing will be censored. I am who I am and i’m fucking proud. Flaws and all.
This is only the beginning of some hardcore experimental trashy feminist toxic shock girldom goodness.
If you want to trade linx i’m all about it. So, you cummin’ with me!?
Hearts & Butcher Knives,
Hannah
i’m so fucking proud of you hannah!’
xoxo
that means the world to me. thank you sassy, you are such an inspiration to me always! xo
you rule! lovin the new website. lovin your kickass attitude. i’m feeling totally inspired by this. thanks for spreading the realness. i hate fake shit. and writing something for ax wound is on my to-do-list, with a million other things but its on there! good luck with the site and your projects you beautiful talented grrrrl!
I really hope you do write for Ax Wound. That would rock my world. Also, I plan to write for your zine too. Is there a deadline for the next issue yet?
I am so so so excited that you dig the site and find it inspiring. Iv been in such a fucking bad mental/emotional place, it feels good to get this stuff out and just say FUCK THE HATERS! you are a beautiful and talented lady and I hope we can continue to know each other and collaborate for a long ass time! xo
theres still no deadline yet for the 2nd one, i havent even written up a new call for submissions. but it will slowly take form. school is starting for me full time so i will be more busy. but it’ll get done eventually. i want to send you number one so you can feel inspired to write! i’m not sure if i know your current address though? has it changed? but the 1st issue turned out beautiful, full of hot sex, bitchy grrrls, confessions and rages. anyway good luck with everything. and FUCK THE HATERS.
<3 You are amazing!
<3 <3 thank you so much for reading. I love your zines and feel honored to know you read my post. YOU RULE ! xo
Oh, we’re SO cummin’ with you
i wouldn’t have it any other way! the soska’s rule my world! xo
I like WordPress and I like you, Hannah.
Looking forward to the rest of this.
thank you andrew that makes me feel good <3
You are such a very cool lady. And I mean ‘cool’ in that ‘my opinion is that you fucking rock’ way, not the ‘this is what society wants you to like’ way. I can’t wait to look forward to all the things you have to say, and being inspired by those words.
aww, thank you lady. that means SO much. i really feel like this was what i needed to do and i’m so happy you dig what i’m saying. i’m also so glad we connected. your fuckin’ awesome
Hannah, girl, you know I fucking love you. Miss you too, but I just want you well, and ready to kick some ass. Your site looks so good. The banner is fantastic, how the hell can I do it with mine? Any tips? Miss you sweetie…….
i love you girl!! i will totally help you make your website kick ass. and i’ll show you how to do it so you can do it when i’m not there. im giving you a GIANT hug and kiss right now xoxoxoxo
I’m 100% supportive of you and your projects. Sending love and good wishes always.
Laura-Marie, thank you! I LOVE your zines and I feel like a jerk face for not expressing that to you. Thank you for the support it is totally mutual
you rule!
Congratulations, kickass first post! Love your attitude towards mental illness and those who refuse to understand it. Fuck those teachers and such.
thank you jenny! your opinion and support means SO much to me. i know you understand this stuff and so it feels nice to have a person who can relate and i really reallly respect and adore you. xoxoxoxo
Mental illness touches everyone. Various forms run through my family. I, myself, am afflicted/affected.
I started off my academic career as an honor roll student but due to some life issues and personal issues (especially mental health issues) things started to roll down hill at about third and fourth grade. That’s when things in my private world started to affect my public world. And vice-versa. It is okay, I despise school anyway–the public school system and college.
To see you taking an active role in your own well-being shows that you aren’t as cracked as you feel you are. You are learning to work with yourself, Hannah and I am glad to see you develop and create and speak your mind rather than hide and destroy and let everything that you have to offer, rot.
I started so late, so bravo.
Take care.
m.G.
yeah totally. the public school system is FUCKED in this country. there is so much abuse by teachers in very subtle and not so subtle ways.
thank you for being such an amazing support to me. i’v been NOT taking an active role in my well being for years so this is very new territory. i;m hopeful i can keep up the momentum.
I feel lucky to know you <3
You sick monkey!!
I love it!
Thanks Lori! I take pride in my sick monkey-ness
I just read this again. Fuck, we love you. If there were more women like you, we’d all be living in paradise.
You have done so much and you’re institutionalized– such an inspiration. xoxxx
aww. shucks.
YOU two are MAJOR inspirations to me and I can’t wait to spread the soska sisters gospel to everyone everywhere! xoxxxo
thats one thing i love so much about belladonna: she includes grrrls getting their pussies eaten. her new movie hells belles has sean michaels eating out mistidawn and it is SO SEXY.
Hey I need to get a belladonna interview up on this site! Also, you and I should do something together too! xoxoxo